वहां कुर्सी पर बैठकर ताली बजाना, मुश्किल था,

वहां बैठकर पुरानी यादें याद ना आना, मुश्किल था,

वहां मंच पर खुद को ना देख पाना, मुश्किल था।


जिसने दिल का टुकड़ा बोला, उसको मनाना मुश्किल था,

जिसकी उंगली पकड़ कर चलना सीखा, वो हाथ पकड़ मंच तक जाना, मुश्किल था,

इख्तियार के आगे मरासिम याद दिलाना, मुश्किल था।


अपने फितूर की जुस्तजू से उसको वाक़िफ कराना, मुश्किल था,

अपने हुनर को पेश करने की इजाज़त ले पाना, मुश्किल था,

अपने इरादों के काफिले को उनके सामने पेश कर पाना, मुश्किल था, बेहद मुश्किल।


पर आज मंच पर अपनी बेटी को देखकर, आंसू रोक पाना मुश्किल था,

आज अपनी खोई आवाज़ को रोशनी पाता देख, उनका ना मुस्कुराना मुश्किल था,

सारी कायनात से अपनी खुशी का इजहार ना कर पाना आज मुश्किल था।



Far flung flings?

What do you call it?

I call it a fling sir, said Anna.

Smirks followed.

I do too, he said.


Still, there were merrier mornings.

The sun was shinier.

The nights were somewhat new.

These days’ silly smiles made sense.


Attachment and affection was not to be acknowledged.

Accountability was definitely out of bound.

But there was something which none of them could understand.

It was for some feelings.


But! The one to call it a fling in the first go was at fault.

The fault was not in the stars,

It was in the fear of commitments.

Easy business for many but not for others.


The pact could not be broken.

It had to be the way it was decided.

Trying to lose feelings in oblivion,

Life progressed. Fling was not a far flung business now.



The Flight

Standing on the terrace.

Gazing at the perfect skyline.

She observed the perfect blend of the colours in the dusky sky.


Orange. Purple. Blue. Grey.

There were conundrums to which she seeked clarification.

The decision was hers but now seemed hazy much like the transformation of the dusky sky to the dark sky.


Once happy about it.

She now questioned it.

Anxiety had gripped her.


Forced into action by circumstances brought instability in her life.

The calm demeanor could not reveal the tempest within.

External calmness successfully camouflaged the inner loud.


The marriage. The forgotten excel sheets. The fake smiles.

Looking into the dark starry night, the twinkling stars did not seem to answer the questions.

She wanted to shrug it all off. Ah! If it was that simple she could have done it ten years back.


The decision was simple. She was just over thinking.

Today, she decided to set herself free. No more societal fears.

Signing the papers, she also signed up against the intolerance and violence.


She also promised herself that she will let everything fall in place.

The day she stops writing about him, he occupies no space.

But the writer’s heart longed for one last account of the suffering to freedom.


Ah! I hate when someone says they sympathise with me,

Told little Alex to her doctor.

How can she understand what all I am going through?

And then she says she sympathizes with me.

I do not like missing school,

And, sitting at home.

But they promoted me to the next class in the new session,

Is it because of sympathy Doctor?

I do not like going around the city with this mask,

And by the way you promised me a pink mask last time I came,

You did not get it as you don’t sympathise with me,

But others look at me with pity when I go around the city. Why?

And you know what Mr. Doctor,

Yesterday, Jeffy came to visit me and she said that she and Ben missed me at school,

I know she also said because she sympathizes with me,

How can she miss me when I know she liked Ben as much as I do?

My mom told me that she got over with work whenever I had my special sessions with you,

As, the people in her office are nice.

I know she got free early because everyone sympathized with her.

What is with sympathy and me Mr. Doctor?

Alex, removing the cap she wore said “I think people have one more reason now.”

She was seven. A kid with gleaming eyes. Eyes which seeked for clarification.

The Doctor smiled and said because they are fools.

Special ones like you and me either experience or we help you alleviate it.

My Lady


Underneath the blue sky draped in a sky blue sari, stood my Lady,

Happiness. Care. Affection. Optimism.

She was a perfect blend of all of this.

She was my Lady. A person I would have totally adored.


A lady with a kid in her hand came to pay my Lady a visit,

She told my Lady that she knew her,

She insisted on meeting someone my Lady could not understand why?

Yet, my Lady did not even make an attempt to stop her.


Zephyr. Calmness and quietude prevailed outside.

Yet, her heart which had not even made an attempt to stop the tryst throbbed.

Calmness before the storm was what it was.

But my Lady, was calm enough to handle the turmoil within her.


The door opened and her husband came out with the stranger’s baby in his hands,

Stranger’s they were not as she had thought.

It took her little time to understand what had actually taken her three years to understand.

She was carrying his baby and he carried hers.


Life changed. Veils lifted.

She felt cheated and foolish.

Trust broken and her life seemed to bring before questions which she had never thought of answering.

Her dreamy world had actually shattered. She asked her husband to stop the tryst.


Just before my Lady bore her third child she brought the stranger in her house.

The tryst stopped. Everything legalised.

The day the third child was born she left her mansion without telling anyone.

She cried her heart out on leaving her kids but she did not want to take them along.


She went. No one remembered her.

The stranger was the mother to her kids. Her husband was now not hers.

Her kids did not remember her. It was not what she had expected.

Years went by. Just as her memories had faded she also faded away.



Standing in front of the mirror,
Face to face with reality,
Dark it was, darker than her complexion.

She wondered if the love which she bore to him was incomplete,
She wondered if her fruits of care were adulterated with some unwanted element,
She wondered if the compassion she showed was ill-legal.

All her questions went unanswered.
She stood there. Still. Silence prevailed amidst noise of her inner turmoil.
The mirror seemed to just replicate her image but the answers were not audible.
She pressed closer to the mirror but unlike love, clinging closer to something does not always give you the momentarily satisfaction you are searching for.

Red. Blue. Black.
Happiness. Light. Sorrow.
Today, in the streets of Sonagachi another story of unrequited love was unraveled and raveled.

No! Her love was not incomplete,
No! Her care was not adulterated,
Probably, her compassion was ill-legal. But it was her work. Everyone does not have a choice to make.


Ceremonious stargazing session,

Today, it was not just pretty constellations which her eyes gazed at,

There were answers which she was seeking.


Love! Ah! That was one inexperienced delicacy,

No heart breaks on-record but yet she was in desperate search for something,

She was searching one Ursa Major for “if you can dream it. You can do it”.


Countless constellations could be located,

Countless answers could have been found but what about her search,

It still could not find even a Minor explanation for her Major.


Dark sky and darker stories,

Gazed harder. But without any probable answer.

Just one thought in her head that probably the twinkling star in her new discovery was someone she deeply loved and had now lost.


That twinkling star and that dark sky did nothing about her problems.

They were not interested. It was she who realized that always seeking the answers do not make the questions liable to answer.

Just leave them. Be a realist. Not all what is dreamt of is fulfilled.